There I was on my knees, tears streaming down my face as I poured out my heart to God for what seemed like the hundredth time.
I now jokingly refer to that time as “my mid-life crisis of my early 20’s,” but there was nothing amusing about it at the time. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing a full-blown depression, the kind that made it really difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Day after day and month after month, I couldn’t seem to figure out exactly what God was trying to teach me and why it felt like he was completely silent.
Almost a year earlier, I had finished up a five-year tour as the spokesperson for a national campaign. It was the real deal with a tour bus, sponsorships and kids screaming my name as if I was actually someone famous. At first when it ended, I was convinced that I was going onward and upward and I was pretty excited for a new season. But in the months that followed, it seemed like every opportunity I was working so hard for was slipping right between my fingers.
Suddenly I was left with nothing but a slew of “no’s,” a high school education and some incredible stories about the life I used to have.
I honestly began to feel like everything good I would ever do was in my past and I would live out my remaining decades in droning monotony.
But then God did it; he broke the silence. Right there in the middle of a loud and bustling worship service, as I was on my knees, he pierced through the noise and spoke straight to my heart.
Britney, all of this time you have been feeling forgotten, but you are far from forgotten. You are smack dab in the middle of something great; you just can’t see it yet. For years, you sang and put smiles on peoples faces, but right now you’re in the middle of leading someone to me and that is worth far more than a million smiles.
I went home that night and began scribbling down lyrics and singing melodies through a tear-choked voice as a way of reminding myself of the truth God had just spoken to me.
I’m far from forgotten, I’m loved and adored by you
When darkness rolls in again, remind my heart of what is true
Cause my world around may crumble, but you’ll never leave my side
When I can’t lift my eyes to heaven, you meet me where I run to hide
As it turned out, God wasn’t messing around, he really did have me smack dab in the middle of something great during those long, sad months.
It turned out the person I was helping lead to God during that time was my future husband and the songs I wrote during that season became my next album.
It was an album of songs about finding hope in the midst of hopelessness and light in the midst of darkness. It was the kind of music that led me on a journey to reach other people who were feeling hopeless. A journey, in fact, that led me to move all the way across the world to work with women enslaved to sexual exploitation.
When we first moved to Latvia, we stumbled upon this amazing abandoned mansion and God instantly began to stir up images in my mind relating to that point in time. I saw a father with his young daughter, which represented my relationship with God during that season. I saw a girl who knew the love of her father but found herself lost and wandering through a broken place, feeling alone and forgotten.
Only a few days later, I was introduced to another missionary who was also a filmmaker and I began to share my ideas with him. Several months later, we found ourselves on a two-day video shoot at that very location. The father character was played by my amazing husband, the very person God spoke to me about all of those years ago in that loud church building. We found a beautiful little girl to play the daughter and I was blown away by how many people came and offered to use their gifts to come together and make something great.
God truly does use every season of our lives to write a beautiful story.
We are far from forgotten.
We are loved by a perfect father.
One who never leaves our side no matter how many times we lose our way.
To learn more about Britney’s music CLICK HERE or stream on Spotify by searching “Britney Christian”
INVEST IN YOUR GOD-GIVEN GIFTS AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Your Gifts: Spiritual Gifts Discovery
God created you with purpose and passion—learn how you can take the gifts He has given you and use them to advance His Kingdom in ways you never imagined.