To me God has always been faithful

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In the last 4 years I have been let go, promoted and even quit jobs. I found myself to be in a constant search for “my fit,” “my people” and “my place.” I have adapted my cover letter so many times that I am not even sure which skills I am really great at and which ones need work. I have interviewed by phone, email and in person. I have been the perfect chameleon with 1 part charisma, 1 part authenticity and 2 parts baloney. You want me to be more administrative, sure. You want me to be more creative, sure. You want me to be more adaptable, sure.

I should have seen this ending coming from a mile away. What was I thinking? How far did I expect to go trying to be all things to all people?

I would quickly lose myself in every job. I would give away my best parts in return for title, status, stability and acknowledgement. And as to be expected, I was disappointed by each organization.

They (of course) seemed to be incapable of fulfilling my insatiable need of belonging. I honestly didn’t know how to get out of the system that I thought I had become an expert of.

I was extremely co-dependent on a false reality. No job can give me a sense of belonging. No organization can fulfill my need for acknowledgement.

My hope, my substance and my future are found in God and God alone.

He has been near me all along, patiently waiting for me to take a risk on the gifts and talents He gave me. He has been whispering to me during every job interview, “My daughter, people are waiting for you beyond these walls.”

It took a final fall for me to say out loud, “I have nothing left to lose…so I guess I could give MY DREAM a try.”

I know it sounds crazy that my dream was my last resort, but that’s the sad truth. I wouldn’t have done it on my own. I needed to feel defeated to get creative about my future. I needed to feel disappointed by a system to acknowledge that I was placing blame and responsibility on the wrong person or thing. It was me that kept trying to fit myself in a box, in a title, in a cubicle and in a meeting where I didn’t belong. Especially as a female, I have found so much safety in the supporting role. I have never gambled on my own talents, my own reputation, my own name…until NOW.

My story might not be the same as yours, but as a creative person, an artist and entrepreneur it was time to create my own story.

Over the last 3 months I have been piecing together my business and every other day the nerves almost leave me paralyzed, but I keep thinking back to my alternative. A simple game of “would you rather” and I find my fears calmed and my anticipation at full speed.

Daily I wake up overwhelmed and surprised by JOY. I have never let myself live this close to God’s grace.

If I’m honest, I didn’t know God could write me such an extravagant and personal story.

For the first time I don’t know where my career will “lead” or what my “status” will be.

But I wouldn’t change it for anything.

It’s true what Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Freedom has always been an expensive thing,” but I think you should also know that FREEDOM is always worth the costs.

Season by season I watch Him, amazed

In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

All I have need of, His hand will provide

He’s always been faithful to me

I can’t remember a trial or a pain

He did not recycle to bring me gain

I can’t remember one single regret

In serving God only, and trusting His hand

All I have need of, His hand will provide

He’s always been faithful to me.

Sara Groves, He’s Always Been Faithful


 

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